Sasuke's Hot Pink Diary
by steffxnie
Summary: Sasuke's diary. Beware. Contains high level of randomness.
1. Page 1 Introduction and others

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**Sasuke's Hot Pink Diary**

What if the guy you thought you knew so well turned out a bit.... well, a lot different?

Imagine Sasuke as something unsasuke-like...

Well. Who cares what he's like to you. Here lies the evidence of his hidden thoughts.

_Please ignore the grammatical mistakes or tenses, whatsoever, in this diary entry. If you must know, Sasuke is one ignorant little boy._

**_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Or I'd be rich by now. _**

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Dear Book,

I'M YOUR FIRST OWNER FOR LIFE, isn't that awesome. Ne. NE?

I rescued you from the idiot, Kakashi. Now you're my slave until my entire clan is wiped out - to show your gratefulness.

You should be **so** honored.

My name is Sasuke Uchiha; a handsome, awesome teenager who causes all girls faint. Not only when I'm in sight... but also my cool ninja moves. Oh, I'm a ninja by the way, which makes me even cooler. I might be cool, but I'm even hotter. Have you not heard of the expression - 'Sasuke is so hot that steam looks cool'? Anyway, I'm part of the famous Uchiha Clan I've been always proud of. Correction – I am the ONLY ninja of my clan. So, I own the entire clan. I am the boss and I give orders... to myself. Well, isn't that amazing? Yes, of course I am amazing.

I want to talk to you properly now if you would please so kindly stop interrupting me. This evening, I broke into, (_that's harsh_) I mean, invited myself into Kakashi's house. Since the sensei is always late for everything, he'd probably miss his own dinner... so I guess he wouldn't have minded if I ate his. By coincidence, it was ramen. Oh, such luck! He would have assumed it was Naruto, and force him to paint his toenails or something. Well, hopefully. But a bigger (and more likely) punishment would be having him to go without his lunch and ban him from eating ramen. Hmm, maybe that would make him beg me again if I eat in front of him. I love people begging me because that emphasizes my power. I definitely don't want to miss that. Anyway, as I was trying to say, I was just about to finish drinking the remains of the soup ramen when something caught my eye.

Something shinny.

Something really, really attractive.

Something pink. Hot pink.

You.

Yeshh. That would be you my dear. So I flew to you like a magnet and caressed my new lover/pet (is it not the same thing?). Why on earth would Kakashi (the idiot) own you? All he does it to read _How to Flirt with Girls for Dummies_ (and is always so busy failing at it. AN EPIC FAILURE) that he would not have noticed your absence (which would be a great deal to me). So I decided you could be doing something a lot more meaningful than rotting away underneath all those books For Dummies (seriously, who would read them if they're not one themselves? Now you understand why I call Kakashi an idiot... I am so intelligent, ne?) and start a new relationship with a cool a.k.a hot ninja like me. (I would use the word 'guy' because it sounds sexy, but after an hour of fierce debate, I decided to use 'ninja' instead because it sounds a lot more professional.)

I must be off soon in order not to miss Kakashi torturing Naruto tomorrow, and that would be truly extremely, definitely, absolutely, entirely enjoyable. (There! I should be a Hokage because I can use post modifiers!! – I bet he doesn't even know what it means.)

Alas, my other lover is impatiently waiting for me in my dream. Please do not think badly of me, for I am no two-timer.

Do miss me, for true love is upon us like destiny since our first sight.

PS. I'm going to name you Mimi.

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**Please review and tell me what you think!! ;)**

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	2. Page 2 Others and Dreams

**Sasuke's Hot Pink Diary**

_Please bear with Sasuke and his randomness, whatsoever. in this diary entry. if you must know, he is one ignorant little boy._

**_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I do, I'd be slapping Sasuke all day long._**

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Dear Mimi,

I just woke up from the most terrible dream ever! It was truly the worst nightmare!

So I was dating this beautiful girl, yeah? She was ooh-ing and ahh-ing at my grand performance of ninja dancing along with my pile of admirers. Then suddenly I was kissing her. No offence, but it was weird. So I bravely confronted it and stood up for myself. Telling her was a bad idea after all. She slapped me! In front of my pile of admirers! So I slapped her back and she slapped me back and I slapped her back for slapping me back and she slapped me back for slapping her back for slapping me back for slapping me. We continued slapping each other for a long, long, long, long, long, long (hang on, I know this word … oh nevermind) long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, OH YES. Endlessly. Hah! I saved so much time! I'm so smart; I must be a walking dictionary!

And then guess what?

I woke up.

Although I sincerely wish he didn't put on those far-too-red-lipsticks and he really shouldn't wear that awful dress. Oops, did I write 'he'? I mean 'she'. He seriously does look like a man though.

…

But who cares, he's just a stupid chimpanzee anyway.

Well, enough of my love affairs. I would proudly introduce my slaves but I am hungry so I'm just going to end it here and accidently eat Naruto's ramen.

I am going to have lots of fun but I'm missing you already.

P.S I like slapping squirrels. I don't know why.

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	3. Page 3 Dreams and Secrets

**Sasuke's Hot Pink Diary**

_Please accept Sasuke's gayness, whatsoever, in this diary entry. If you must know, he is one ignorant little boy._

**_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Or I'd plait Sasuke's hair right now._**

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DEAR DIARY.

Guess what? _Guess what?_ GUESS WHAT?

Okay, shush! You won't know until I tell you so just listen.

I HAVE A SECRET!

You know, everyone has a crush. It's such a great feeling, you know, to be loved. I am certain I have a pile of admirers (for they are always falling on top of each other) but never did I know what it is like to _love someone back_.

And so, I have a secret.

I FOUND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

I **did not** just burst out my secret. You **did not** read anything just now. You **will not** breathe a word to your fellow book friends (How could you cheat on me?). You **must not** be strangled by me tonight (for I cannot live without you!).

Or maybe I should just ... wait, you have no brains... paperwash you.

I have another secret - I have not the slightest idea what to do! No no, it's okay to be surprised. Since I excel in everything I do, I should probably give everyone, including myself, a break.

I am keeping my greatest secret until later. Why, to keep the suspense and tension, of course! I love my pile of audience and admirers. Since you are both (and a major part of it), it definitely won't do if you jump up in the air, wave you hands around like a lunatic and run like that guy who stalks me. (by the way, he runs like a chicken!)

So stay here, right here.

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That's a good book.

Sigh. It must be a sin to love you and him both so much.

You might read badly of me.

But I don't care. My heart is smiling…

Devilishly.

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**Okay, review now and say I am evil. **

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	4. Page 4 Secrets and Wigs

**Sasuke's Hot Pink Diary**

_Please ignore Sasuke's baldness, whatsoever, in this diary entry. If you must know, Sasuke is one ignorant little boy._

**_Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Or I'd have Sasuke's common sense re-educated by now._**

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Dear Diary,

I have a haircut! Correction – I have my hair shaved.

All because something impossible has happened!

I am sorry to say: the impossible is possible. Let me explain my theory – the reason is: just because it is impossible does not mean it is possible; and just because it is possible does not mean it is impossible. Therefore, impossible equals possible. However, possible is not the same as impossible, and so possible will never become impossible no matter how you can make possible impossible by adding 'im' in front of 'possible'. In conclusion, I am utterly without a doubt, the most cleverest genius in the world and should receive an outstanding, outrageous commendation after this speech right away. Thank you. Oh, on top of that, make me a Hokage. I need a reason to give Naruto my pink handkerchief.

Just before I rudely interrupted myself, I was saying that something impossible happened! It was so impossible that it is impossible but somehow it is possible and so it is possible: last night, I was walking home from training when something disturbed me enough to stop. It was the cry of a baby. Isn't it heartbreaking? Well, I'd say it was earbreaking! The tiny, evil monster tried to burst my eardrums! How dare it! I hesitated, covered my eyes with my hand, poked it and ran. Hundreds of horses started galloping after me. I looked back while I was running, which was quite a mistake because, firstly my hand was still covering my eyes and secondly, I slammed into a tree. A squirrel nearby saw the whole thing, froze for a second, pointed at me and laughed. I slapped it and shut up almost immediately, it stared behind me, froze for another second, and scrambled away. I turned slowly like they do in horror movies. (And that's what inspired me to be an actress.) I gasped and froze. There were no horses or ponies or mares or donkeys or hamsters, whatsoever. Instead, it was only a bull. Perhaps it was the baby's parent. Perhaps it was a fan. Perhaps I should be home eating Naruto's ramen by this time. It was glaring so furiously at me. Maybe I should say something to it to break the ice.

"How do you do?" I asked the unblinking bull.

An awkward silence followed.

And then we both froze.

I had no idea how long we stood there. Since it stared at me for about two hours or so, I suppose it had no idea how to answer back. Perhaps my coolness froze it and it was completely lost for words. Because I am so hot, I was able to unfreeze myself. In the end, I simply turned and walked away.

Nothing happened.

Well. Uh, stop interrupting me!!

Nothing happened until I started to run. The bull was after me again! What should I do? Maybe I should run into another tree again to get rid of the bull just like I did with the horses. And so I did. This time, I saw five squirrels dancing around me, laughing. They wouldn't shut up because I didn't bother to lift up my hand to slap them. I was grateful when they finally did, stared behind me, stared at each other and scrambled away. It was all so strangely familiar. Maybe they saw the bull or something. That was quite convenient. Sadly, even when they were gone, my mind still replayed their soprano voices like a broken record. I would get a headache from that. It did not occur to me until much later that I have missed out something I most probably shouldn't.

The next thing I know, it was stomping on me with all four of its legs. What on earth does a bull eat to be so heavy? I found out very soon.

I also found out why the bull chased me.

Apparently it liked that pokeball on the back of my shirt. I promised it I would get it something really, really attractive like Naruto's undershirt or something.

If it would stop eating my hair.

Eventually, the bull agreed and stopped chewing.

Oh, joy.

I was left all alone. Could it possibly get any worse? As I said earlier, the impossible is somehow possible, so I felt even sorrier for myself when a stray cow came over and licked my half-bald head.

When I got home, I ordered my hair to grow back. It is quite impossible, and yet at the same time possible, that my commands are ignored. I took one look in the mirror, froze for the nth time today (I believe I am secretly a great mathematician or a magician because no one knows what the 'n'th is, except me.) and shaved my head. I guess I shouldn't after all, since now it is going to take a even longer time to grow.

I am going to freak out when I get to the next paragraph. I am definitely not telling you what I do. It is far too unique for your delicate pages… Oh who cares, I am going to tell you because if you do the same – we can freak out together! Well, when I freak out, I freak out. I babble. I squeal. I squeak. I giggle. My left eye twitches. I pull on my ears. An eyelash falls off. I try to glue it back on. I slap things, alive or not. I roll on the floor. I switch my language into one that only _Homo sapiens _can understand. And then, I shall need the bathroom.

Anyway here is the paragraph that I am freaking out: What should I do? _What should I do when Naruto (oh-my-dear!) sees me tomorrow with my pretty, shiny hair all gone?_

My voice is coming out as a squeak now.

Unfortunate for me, a bull doesn't choose Naruto, even though he wears disgusting bright, orange clothes. If only Naruto has all his beautiful golden hair shaved too, maybe he will realize I am his true love... And that, my dear reader, shall give him a real reason to worship me.

My left eye is starting to twitch. What should I do? It certainly won't do if a perfect model like me started wearing cloths to cover my hair (_in my case, just head_). Caps, hats, scarves, in other words, turbans, are **so** out now. See? Even my twitching left eye agrees with me.

Maybe I should just color my head tonight. Unluckily, I am out of pencils, pens, paints, glue and toothpaste. I really should re-stock my appurtenances soon.

Oooooh! I just thought of something that only a genius like me can think of!

I am going to wear a wig! That's it!

Only I don't have one at home. Well, I did. I used to have my very own bombed wig but the pinkness was so hot that I hid it in the rubbish bin in case you get jealous. When you were safely tugged away in bed, I searched for it the next day but it was gone! I have no idea where it is now.

Still – Problem solved! I am rolling on the floor in joy. All I need to do is to get out of the house, walk a few blocks, march into a store and purchase a wig!

I finally found peace.

I am too tired after all these thinking so I will simply do it in the morning. I will write it on my forehead immediately to remind myself – just in case I forget tomorrow.

I cannot believe it took me this long. But as long as I don't embarrass myself in public, it is fine. And of course it's quite nothing to waste an entire night!

I can sleep now, I guess.

Goodnight!

Or actually good morning - the sun is rising.

P.S I need the bathroom urgently.

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**Please tell me someone is out of their mind.**

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